Of Life... and Relationships...

I have this theory about the relationships that people have among one other.I have tried to simplify the complex nature of relationships and group them on the basis of understanding and acceptance that people have for others. I have derived this theory after considerable soul searching, observation and extensive brain storming sessions with a few great thinkers who are my friends.

In my hypothesis, I have grouped the nature of relationships in three categories or "stages". Such a grouping is very rough and there are no clear boundaries separating them. In spite of the crudeness in the theory, I hope it will provide us an idea about what we really feel about those around us.

The "first stage" of relationships in my theory is what I call Acquaintance. This is a stage of a relationship where people formally get to know each other. When we meet at public places we wish each other or talk about general issues. We know nothing personal about the other person and the acquaintance is formed out of compulsion or chance. Since we know nothing about the person, we cannot judge the person as being good or bad etc. It is at this stage that we make the choice of whether we want to take the relationship to the next stage or to leave it as it is. Most of the times when we meet other people, we try to get to know more about them. We get to know their tastes and interests, their goals and most importantly their attitude towards life. Getting to know each other personally may help us in our dealings with that person but it also creates problems. When we get to know a person, we are inclined to like or dislike the person. It becomes difficult to stay neutral to a person if we do not like the person. People at the corporate level sometimes prefer not to personally know a person so it becomes easier to make choices concerning the person.

The choice of getting to know a person is in our hands most of the times but it may also be thrust upon us sometimes. Circumstances may force you to get to know a person whom you might otherwise keep at a distance. I feel that the first stage of relationships does not apply to family as the family we have by birth is not a choice that we make. The transition to the second stage happens rather quickly. It may happen in a matter of days or even hours.

The "second stage" of relationships can be called friendship although the term friend can be a bit misleading. In the strict sense, The second stage of relationship in my theory is the stage in which people actually get to know each other. We like people for their good qualities and find faults in their bad qualities. This is the difficult stage in a relationship where we have to bear with others shortcomings and paranoia. We find it difficult to accept thoughts which we do not agree with. We fight with people over small matters and sometimes grow apart when we cannot resolve our differences. We can move on to the third stage with only those people with whom we are compatible. This process of understanding and acceptance takes a lot of time. Sometimes even years.

The last Stage of a relationship or the "third stage" is characterized by total understanding. We see the shortcomings of others and accept them for who they are. We enjoy their company and have faith in them. This Stage of relationship may also be called love. It is extremely difficult to be in this stage with many people and we must count ourselves lucky if we have many such friends. An ideal person is he/she who can be in stage three with everyone, regardless of whether they are our enemies or friends. Needless to say, it is very difficult to be the ideal person. People who have broad minded thinking are able to accept others thoughts easily and hence find it easier to love people. Our relationships with people are a reflection of our attitude and behavior. The ideal person will be good to everybody. To be the Ideal person should be the goal of every individual in life.